Earlier in this blog we talked about the hamster “wheel of fear,” that self-perpetuating spiral of fear and reaction that tends to lead us precisely where we don’t want to go. We’ve been discussing some concepts and tools to help us live and work more consciously, proactively, and creatively, towards the goals we really want — our visions.
However, it is very common for people to feel blocked or stuck with repect to achieving their goals. It’s not that they don’t want them, it’s just that they don’t quite seem to ever move forward or achieve them. As the field of coaching has arisen to help people achieve their goals (whether it is to win a baseball game or lead a successful change initiative), it has developed some tools for helping people achieve them.
There are four basic reasons that people become blocked with respect to achieving goals (or in the process-oriented language that I prefer, “in living towards their goals and enjoying the moment — which is really all that we have”):
1. They aren’t motivated enough. They don’t really want the goal or are out of touch with the reasons they want it. Perhaps the goal is a “should” for them. For example, “I should exercise more.” Or, they may want the goal but not be tuned into their motivation, their reasons and compelling emotions around the outcome.
2. They don’t know how to move forward. On a related note, they may lack the structures (situational cues) to support the actions they need to take.
3. Circumstances are such that the goals could never be achieved. Although this explanation is very common, it is very rarely true. Rather, like the lab rats that, having repeatedly received a shock when they approached their food, later avoided it, even after the shocks were removed, many of our barriers are the result of our own, faulty beliefs (See #4).
4. They have conflicting beliefs and commitments — often below the level of conscious awarneness — that generate resistance and sabotage their progress. (See my upcoming post: “Why rational people do seemingly irrational things…”)
How do we determine the reason we are stuck? Sometimes it’s clear to us that we are missing needed information, for example, or we may be able to rule out some possibilities. For example, “there are no clear barriers, and I know what to do, I just can’t get started…”
A nice tool for dealing with a lack of clarity on how to move forward is the “plan for a plan” — what do I need to know and how can I get the information. (Sometimes, when we are being truly creative, the project might entail multiple cycles of learning and doing — sometimes called the spiral model).
In contrast, “shoulds” and conflicting beliefs and commitments often have their roots in the subconscious. For me, one of the most juicy and interesting parts of coaching is surfacing these beliefs and holding them up to the light of day, as it is a very liberating process …
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